i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
