So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
