I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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