well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just puked most of my soul out..
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