I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
