You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
