i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
