My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You've changed since you got that strap on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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