Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
