Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
