I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
