Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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