Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
