Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
