Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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