she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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