my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then my night got REAL pukey
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
