Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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