Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
