I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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