I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am one with the molecules
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
