Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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