And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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