After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is Oprah even human
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
