i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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