I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
