He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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