dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
