I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize