Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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