I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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