i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
