is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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