You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
