too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
