if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
