The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
