my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
