so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
