Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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