Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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