You made me cry and you don't even care
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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