so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
