I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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