Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
