is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
