Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Swine flu is the new snow day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
