If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
