I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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