Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
