just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
