im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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