Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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