I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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