Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
