TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
